And I say this with caution...

This is was written November 21, 2012.

Where did I leave off? DJ? Yep. That ship has sailed. Long ago. In September to be exact. And I couldn't be happier. DJ was fun, but he was always meant to be just a friend. It was just a little experiment that I thought I'd give a try. And I am so thankful that it didn't work out. I'm glad that my first instincts were right. Because it wouldn't have brought me to where I'm at now.

Re-reading what I wrote about DJ, and really any guy that has walked into my life, I've found something I have in common with each situation.

I fall. I fall hard. And I fall for guys who are all wrong for me.

Until recently...

I say this with caution.

Because I don't want to look back at this six months down the road and say the same thing about this man, as I've said about the past guys.

See what I did there? Called this one, a man. All others have been referred to as boys or guys. Hmm. Interesting.

This man has been in the picture since June. Yes, that's right, since JUNE. He even came out to my twenty-fifth birthday celebration at Shangri-La.

We finally started hanging out in September.

First we went out for a beer at Brew Exchange. Which led to walking around to other bars and then onto 24 Diner for a late night snack. Then I took him to see Ben Folds Five at Stubb's and after the concert we made out in his car. It totally felt like high school but it was so much fun! One Saturday we drove out to Lockhart, the BBQ Capital of Texas, to try three different restaurants. We hit each place in a total of an hour and a half, and tried all they had to offer at each location. By the end of the trip, we both had the meat sweats and needed to pass out. That was such a fun day! I remember that night, after my shower and nap, I went back over to his house and we watched the Kansas State football game, his alma mater. We began spending more time together. We went to lunch practically every day and would spend the evenings watching movies or sports and staying up to ungodly hours of the night, even when we had work at 8:00 am the next day. We went to other shows together, he came to karaoke and Jen's birthday party with me, we even got sick at the same time. What a coincidence... But there is one night in particular, that stands out in my mind.
One of the first nights at his house, we went into his room because he said, "Have I shown you my room before?" Trying to by sly, of course, even though I had already seen his room. We then started to listen to some old school music. I was standing in the middle of his room next to his bookcase. He turned out the lights and came over to me. It was dark except for a little bit of light that shone through his bedroom window under the shade. He put his arms around me. We started swaying to the music. He kissed me. As we were kissing, I was overcome with a feeling that I can honestly say I have never felt before. It was scary. It was exciting. Could it be real?
Now, as I have already mentioned, I am going to say this with caution.
Due to fear.
But the things you fear, or rather, the things that fill you most with fear, are usually the things worth going after in life.
My feeling was this...
I knew.
I knew that I as going to marry this man.
Even writing that sentence just now, scared me. And it took me a few tenths of a second to pause and continue writing the second half of that sentence.
Point is, I knew.
Right then and there.
More recently, on Tuesday - yesterday - I went with him and two other coworkers to get smoothies after lunch. Dyron wanted to get cookies after, so we walked over to Sugar Mama's Bake Shop. While we were waiting on Dyron, Brad was like, "I could do this." He was referring to opening up a bake shop, restaurant, his own business, etc. And I told him how one of my life goals on my list is to open my own bakery. He told me that I should. Then he continued and said that he would help me, "we could make a business plan, take out a loan, open a store together." Sure, reading that it just sounds like a simple business deal. But looking into his eyes while he said this to me... I knew it was something long term.
I think he feels the same. I also think he's being cautious at the moment when it comes to defining what he and I are actually doing at the moment. We are dating. But nothing is official. And I'm ok with that right now. Because all great things take time. I'm not worried because I know that this is going to be long term. I'm happy.
I haven't told anyone what I felt that night. I don't want to tell anyone either. This is exciting for me, and I hope for him. It's exciting getting to know each other. It's exciting to learn new things about one another. It's exciting to share stories and laugh together!
He told me that when he has his own house that he wants a garden where he can grow his own food, and wants other things that naturally, are slipping my mind at the moment, but the point is - everything that he mentioned to me that he wanted, are things that I have always dreamed of having too.
And he comes from a good family. He was raised right. He was saving himself for marriage. But that changed earlier this year because he felt pressured to be twenty-six and to not have done it yet. He said that he regretted it because it didn't mean anything. And he wanted it to mean something. So he said he was going to wait until he found the right person... I must be the right person...
Well, he just called me. And he said, "Well hey there, pretty lady," when I answered the phone. He always puts a smile on my face.
We are going to have an ice cream and movie night. I'm so excited! I love being with him.
I've only mentioned his name once because I'm cautious. And superstitious. And I don't want to jinx myself with this one. Because I do not want to lose this man.

November 27, 2012

Starting fresh today with my writing, meaning that this entry was not previously recorded in my journal.

Our ice cream and movie night was a success! It was so wonderful. We flirted and acted like high school kids in the grocery store while we were trying to pick out ice cream. He told me that his favorite BBQ restaurant in Kansas City just got an award from the Travel Channel and he said that he wants to take me to Kansas so I can try it. So I told him that I would go. He asked, "Do you promise?" and I said, "Yes, of course I promise." I would love to go to Kansas City with him! After the grocery store, we went back to his house and watched episodes of The Office. We snuggled up next to each other all night. I fell asleep in his arms. It was one of the best night's that I have had with him. I woke up Thursday morning (Thanksgiving) and in his half asleep stupor, he wished me a Happy Thanksgiving and hugged me and kissed me. He was absolutely adorable. I talked to him briefly that evening when I had finally arrived in Little Elm at Becky and John's house. I came back to Austin on Friday evening and went straight to bed. In fact, I spent most of the weekend asleep because I was sick. And I did not hear from Brad. Anytime that I would catch myself worrying, I'd tell myself to stop and I'm make myself remember the night he and I had just had. That was the best thing I could have done because Monday evening when I got home, he called me. We talked for about half an hour and I had the biggest smile plastered to my face the entire time. Today (Tuesday) I was making some hot green tea at work and he happened to come downstairs at the same time. So we got to talk for a bit this morning which was good. He was wearing a blue shirt which made his baby blue eyes stand out even more. So. CUTE. Then I decided to bite the bullet and ask him to lunch. He, Phil, Steve and I ended up going to Hopdoddy's for burgers. It was delicious. After work, I walked out to the garage and got into my car. I turned it on and started checking my phone. The next I know, I look to my left, and there he is staring at me oddly. I rolled my window down and called him a creeper which he shot back the same response at me. We joked around for a bit but I can't talk very well today because I am losing my voice. I wish I wasn't losing my voice because I just want to hang out with him more! But, c'est la vie. I'll get healthy and then he and I will be able to hang out. Although I want him to invite me out. This weekend he was talking about going to the ACL Live taping of Gary Clark Jr., and then talking about going to Barbarella's with the guys. Which is totally cool but I'd like an invite, too. I think I am getting to the point to where I would like to talk to him about what is going on between he and I. But at the same time, I am having fun just spending time with him and talking and I am scared that if I bring anything up, I will not receive the response that I am hoping for. On the other hand, it could be a good thing. It could get him thinking more about it. And on the third, invisible hand, I am really just over-analyzing this entire situation and I need to just sit back and enjoy the ride!
Our Christmas work party is at the Austin Music Hall on December 14th and I could not be more excited about it! I am going to wear my burgundy fancy dress that I've only gotten to wear once, and I found the most perfect, classy gold Ralph Lauren heels to match. I just need to round up ninety dollars to purchase them. I am going to wear my ivory long coat, that I need to retrieve from my Dad's house and have dry-cleaned, and I am also going to curl my hair in curlers so that it's beautiful. I also want to go buy some new eye makeup so that I will just look phenomenal and turn heads everywhere I walk! I know that sounds horrible, but I am really being sincere. I just want to look beautiful because that dress makes me feel beautiful and I want to look beautiful for him. I will most likely be taking a trip out to my Dad's house this weekend so I can have everything in order. The party is only two and a half weeks away!
Work is going really well. I am staying incredibly busy and I am keeping my fingers crossed that I get that permanent position by the end of the year. That would be the best Christmas present! That, and an official status with Brad. But I can't hold my breath for either right now.
As much as I would like to keep typing, I think I need to either work out or rest my eyes. I should probably do the latter since I am not feeling very well. Please God do not let me get sick! I cannot afford to miss work.

Ta-ta for now. I'll be back soon.