It's one of those days. It's a Monday. I've been contemplating a lot about life lately. Why am I here? What am I doing? Who am I? What do I want to do with my life? Where do I want to live? What is the secret formula to staying thin and eating chocolate truffles?
These are tough questions with answers that are semi there and semi undiscovered. I know what you're thinking - that last sentence really made no sense at all. I'm okay with it though because there are a million people out there who have more fame in the world than what I hold in my little pinkie and they never make sense when they speak.
I'm sitting here at my desk (it's a semi-cubicle) and I just re-read the last couple of posts I had made back in April. A segment of the most recent one caught my attention, hence why I'm writing this new blog today. I wrote that I could never see myself working my life away at a corporation, sitting in a cubicle making a 100 phone calls a day. That I would lose my mind and go crazy. That I could never sit day in and day out doing mundane tasks. Well kids, I've succumbed to this mundane lifestyle. I currently sit at a desk for 8-9 hours a day, making 80+ phone calls to people all over the world and I try to sell them advertisement space on my company's website. How mundane is that?! How did I let myself get into this situation? It was inevitable I suppose. I was working as a server at a restaurant and when I was offered a full time position with a company here in town that would get me out of the restaurant and give me good experience to mark down on my resume, I took it without even thinking twice. It's been a pretty good job thus far. The hours aren't too terrible except when I have to work over time, the environment is fun, the people are chill, the attire is super casual, and the pay is ok. BUT I seriously despise sitting ALL DAY LONG having to make phone calls. On top of that, I'm still a temporary employee - something that I was told would only be for 3 months and then I would start making commission but I was told just a few days shy of my 3 month mark that my temp status was to be extended at least another 30 days. I'm working hard, trying to make sales and then I am not even allowed to see the benefits because they do not want to pay me my commission. It's quite ridiculous. I believe that having this sales experience is good for my resume but I do not want to continue doing this for much longer. And to be quite honest, I've had this gut feeling for a while now that I'll be moving from Austin anyway. My roommate graduates in December and she's looking to move so I know that come December I most likely will not be living in Austin any longer. I'm not even upset about it either. I actually would like to move to Dallas in September if I can...
Here's the reason, or reasons, why I want to move:
- I feel disconnected from Austin.
- My "friends" here in town.... well, I've grown out of them. They're great people but I have no desire to hang out with them anymore. This isn't just a recent feeling either. It's been since about February/March of this year and it is now basically the end of August.
- The people that I want to have in my life, who have been constant since 2009, all live in Dallas. They have been asking me to move back there since I left. Why would I stay here in Austin when the people I want to spend time with live in Dallas?
- There are more opportunities in Dallas. Granted, the outdoor activities aren't as widespread as Austin, but I think I can manage.
- I have lived in the Austin area since I was seven years old. I am now twenty-five. When I first finished school all I wanted to do was live in Austin. I thought it was the greatest city in the world. It was where my friends and family were. And all I wanted to do was live the fun, college lifestyle of going to shows all the time and drinking and partying and making friends with bands. Which, is what I most definitely did. And then I grew out of it. I realized that the goals I had for my life weren't just about living the musician lifestyle. It was great while it lasted. But my goals now are greater. I want to succeed and learn more and do more challenging things. I want to accomplish a lot more. I'm not satisfied with just living a bum lifestyle of drinking, partying and spending excessive money on beer and Thursday night shows at dive bars on bands that most likely will not make it to supreme worldly celebrity status.
It's just not me anymore. I have changed. Which is inevitable. And I'm happy with the change. My priorities have changed. I'm looking to enhance my future. To gain experience, knowledge, success. To better myself. To constantly strive for excellence. I want to learn more. I want to do more. I want to surround myself with the people who love me and who are also on the same track as I am.
It seems the decision has been made. I just now need to secure a job in Dallas so that I can move. Well, a job and then find a place to live and then I can move. It's just time for me to spread my wings and experience a different scenery. Plus, I know I lived in Denton for school but I think this time around it will be a completely different experience. I'll be in the Dallas area, working, not having to deal with school and I will be able to hang out with the friends I really want to spend time with. I think it will be beneficial not only for my well being and friend oriented side to life, but also for work experience and for my future. I feel that it is a great city that I can grow and succeed in. Who knows, maybe I'm right and maybe I am wrong. But I will never find out if I do not take a chance. What's the worse that could happen? It wouldn't work out and I could move back to Austin. But I honestly do not see that happening. Instead of being scared and unsure in life, I'd jump off the ledge and give it a try. There's no way of knowing what life will be like unless I dive head first into the water.
Side note - Since I began writing this, I've made 41 phone calls and not a single sale. Scratch that. I now have $49 on the board. Big money. Can you feel the sarcasm?
Basically I need to keep my faith and everything will work out. I will move to Dallas this fall. I know this for a fact. I just need to be patient yet persistent in my job search and following up with possible employers. And I need to continue to network. I have to do it for myself. And I will. I will keep working hard towards moving to Dallas and I know that it will happen by December. It's what I want and I will make it happen.
I'm going to stop typing this blog now because I think I've worn out the Dallas talk for now.
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