Are You Happy?

You might want to touch base with a close friend -- somebody who knows you really well. They might be just the right helper for what you want to do: Namely, examine a few of the goings-on in your inner life. Are you happy? Happier than in the past? Less happy? Are you being honest about how happy you are? Honest about who you are? Honest about what you want? A friend could really lend a helpful perspective. So dig out your phonebook and start dialing.


This was my horoscope today. Now, I'm not one to really and truly believe in horoscopes (I really just enjoy reading them for fun) but this one seems fitting today. So let's examine a few of the goings-on in my inner life, shall we? 


Are you happy?


Well, yes and no. In August and September, I was extremely happy. I was living back in Austin, getting to hang out with all my old friends, I began a new job that gave me the work schedule I wanted so desperately to have... it seemed my life couldn't be better! Keyword: seemed.


Happier than in the past?


I am happier now than I ever was in the past. I am with a man who I love very much. 


Are you being honest about how happy you are?


Yes and no. Although I am very happy now with where I am at in life, i.e. my job, I'm almost a college graduate, I am with the most wonderful man I could've ever asked for, I've found my faith again... But the thing that makes me sad is the distance between John and myself. I'm here in Austin, he's in the DFW area. It tears me apart when we part. This weekend was great! He drove down Friday evening and we got to spend a lot of time together. I went to an art museum and then had lunch at Whole Foods. When we are together, everything is right. I just dread the moment when he says, "I have to leave now." Because I know that means that I wont be seeing him for a while. See, regular relationships you at least get to see each other maybe a few times a week... but I have to wait at least 2 weeks if not longer, depending on our schedules. Sigh. I cannot complain. This is something that I, and he, have to live with for now. 


Honest about who you are? 


I can answer 'Yes' to this one, for sure. I feel that I am very honest about who I am. 


Honest about what you want? 


Hmm... yes and no... again. Most of the time I am quite honest about what I want. This weekend, I had to keep my opinion to myself. John told me that he's considering, very heavily, on becoming a Marine Officer. Meaning this summer when I will be living up in Denton for my last classes to take before I graduate, when I thought that we would have more time to spend together, and I even considered moving up there, he will not be there. He will be in Virginia. Sigh. I am sad but I want what is best for him. This is something that he has been thinking about for a few years now. So obviously there has been a lot of thought put into it all. Which ultimately means, that he needs to do it. I cannot be selfish. Yes, it's a bummer that we will most likely not get to spend the summer together... and we will be living even farther from each other... but that's life. Everything happens for a reason. 


Honestly, all I want is this: 
- graduate, get my Bachelor's degree in Sociology and Communication Studies.
- Find a decent job... I'd like a career but I believe that may take a while... and I am okay with it.
- Live near John. I do not want this '3-hour-drive' distance anymore. Not. At. All. 


I pray to God for strength.